I completely stole this from another site but its hilarious and easily applies to this great game we know and love. The trials and tribulations of a newbie character to the seasoned 5x40 botter!!! I give you, 5 things to look forward too besides death and taxes in the land of Sloth :P
- Humble Beginnings
Though I am but a simple thief, it appears that I have the potential to become the most powerful hero the world has ever known. Don’t let my youth and inexperience fool you; my destiny will carry me to far greater heights than my lowly origins might suggest. At least that’s what the mysterious stranger who has only just now dropped into my life is saying. The timing is perfect too; it seems that the world is currently being confronted with a cataclysmic danger that only I can prevent. While it seems odd that I should suddenly be hailed as “The Chosen One,” I can only assume that my potential has merely gone unnoticed until now. Perhaps I am suffering from amnesia. Perhaps I have been adopted. That no one seemed to expect much of me will make it all the sweeter when I get to rub my newfound fame in their stupid faces.
- The Errand Boy
The mighty task of saving the world has fallen on my shoulders and every person I meet reminds me of the urgency of my task. Strangely, I’m not finding the very citizens I’m trying to save particularly helpful. In fact, the only way I can get these ingrates to actually help me defeat the Dark Lord is by running a seemingly endless series of menial chores. The fat innkeeper, for example, knows where the Dark Lord is hiding but he won’t give up the info until I agree to kill the rats that are infesting his cellar. He doesn’t seem the least bit concerned that the Dark Lord’s minions are raping and pillaging the land while I’m busy stomping rats downstairs. I’m beginning to suspect that “Chosen One” is a fancy way of saying “gopher.”
- Rampant Gigantism
There’s something in the water here. These rats are frickin’ huge! And it’s not only the rats; it seems that everything down here is suffering from some sort of pituitary condition that causes them to be not only gigantic but also incredibly hostile. In addition to the rats I’ve been confronted by enormous wolves, bats, beetles, and spiders, all of whom are universally, unashamedly hostile. I guess the “They’re just as afraid of you as you are of them” crap my mom used to tell me only applies to things you can actually step on.
- Equally Rampant Pouchism
What’s even weirder is that these horrible creatures seem to be carrying the most odd assortment of items. So far I’ve managed to collect 12 arrows from a wolf, a handful of coins from a giant spider and a pair of magic boots from a rat. I’m not quite sure just how these animals are carrying these things around. I’d understand if I found some loot on a giant kangaroo or a were-pelican, but I’m really at a loss to explain how or why a beetle is carrying a magic potion.
- Morality, Schmorality!
Just as everyone is willing to turn a blind eye towards my compulsive pilfering and enthusiastic crate-smashing, they also seem relatively unconcerned with the fact that I’ve had to kill hundreds of people and animals in my quest to confront the Dark Lord. Like the man said, in order to make un omelet, you’ve got to break a few ouefs. To put it in more literal terms: sometimes you have to kill a dude because he has a magic hat that totally goes with your boots.
I liked it! :D A clever writer who understands MUDs. I read the whole thing from top to bottom and enjoyed it! 8)
+1 to mana regen from me! :twisted:
entertaining post.
Nice one.
[img:2ud6nbti]http://yasik.kiev.ua/Tits_or_GTFO.jpg[/img:2ud6nbti]
rel·e·vant /ˈrɛləvənt/
Pronunciation[rel-uh-vuhnt]
–adjective
bearing upon or connected with the matter in hand; pertinent
don’t make me bring out the clue stick.